Oldham Family Weblog

“if you are breathing, you have problems.” I forget who said this, but it’s true. The only people who don’t have any problems in their life are dead already.

My church, on a monthly basis, has an additional meeting typically held on a Sunday evening called a “fireside”. This is a meeting in a less formal setting where members can come and learn about all types of topics that relate to spirituality, faith and life. Last night we had a very good discussion about dealing with stress and how to stay happy when things don’t go as planned.

In one exercise, we were given a list of potential stressors and told to circle the ones which we had experienced in the last 12-24 months. Each item was given a value based on it’s stress contribution level and we were then asked to total the numbers to see what level of stress inputs did we have in our lives. The expert explained that anything over 200 and you should probably have a good support system in place to help you deal with your stresses. My total? 310. My wife’s? 350 Yikes!

What’s interesting about this list is that all of the items we had to choose from were things that were outside our control (mostly). Wow…that was an eye opener. No wonder I have headaches lately!

It’s a good thing the fireside didn’t end there. I would have just gone home and curled up in the fetal position for a few days!

No, the expert gave us some really good ideas about how to deal with stress. Here are some of the things he suggested:

Then he gave us some specific things that will help (I love that because I sometime need very clear instructions). The list is 75 items long, so here are just a few.

The final word – Happy people do Happy things!

Did anyone else listen to the biography of Thomas S. Monson between sessions of conference? It was outstanding. He is an inspirational example of a follower of Jesus Christ.

I was struck by a couple of stories in particular (probably because they addressed a topic that I am sensitive about and have commented on before).

In the first story, President Monson, then a Bishop, was attending a Stake Priesthood leadership meeting when he felt impressed that he should visit an elderly member of the ward in a local nursing home. He dismissed the prompting and justified not making the visit due to the importance of the leadership meeting. During the meeting the impression came again and he decided he needed to act on it. By this time, however, the Stake President was speaking and Bishop Monson did not feel that he could quietly make an exit. So he waited.

As soon as the Stake President concluded his remarks, he ran out and hustled to the nursing home arriving, as it turned out, too late. The good brother had passed away. One of the family members, upon seeing him, asked if he was “Bishop Monson.” The family member related that prior to his death, the gentlemen uttered “Bishop Monson” several times. After this experience, President Monson committed to never again ignore the promptings of the spirit.

On the second occasion, a young girl, suffering with terminal cancer, desired a blessing of President Monson. After hearing that he would be at the Stake Conference some 60 miles away, the family extended the invitation. Although he would be nearby, the meeting schedule did not allow time for President Monson to make it out to the young girls home and she was too ill to make the trip to the Stake Center. The President suggested that they would offer a prayer for her and would hold a special fast instead.

However, the spirit nudged him again and the decision was made. He rearranged the meeting schedule and asked that the Stake President preside in his stead and he made the journey to bless this daughter of God. He recounts this as one of the most spiritual experiences of his life. The little girl told him that she just “knew” he would. President Monson credits her faith for the prompting he received.

Are we so busy attending meetings that we are not practicing our religion? I have heard over and over again lately how important these meetings are and how we are expected to attend but on more than one occasion, these meetings have conflicted with a service opportunity or a personal event in the lives of some of our members and friends and I am often racked with indecision over which to give priority to. Please, don’t misunderstand, I agree that these meetings are important and we should attend. I just fear that we are having so many meetings that we are not leaving room enough to actually do the work.

I have already committed to attend all the meetings that I am supposed to, but I am qualifying that now to follow the example of President Monson. I will do the work that Heavenly Father would have me do and I will not ignore the promptings of the Spirit. Some things actually are more important than another meeting.

Prologue:

My niece is getting married on Saturday. She is marrying a return missionary who served in the area where I live. They are getting married in the Manti Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They are both outstanding individuals. I am super excited for them.

Amanda:

I cannot state strongly enough how happy I am for you. I am also happy for Derek. While Derek was serving in Brainerd, I had the opportunity to witness him serve Heavenly Father faithfully. He is a good man who loves the Lord. Of course he has to do something about those sideburns.

You have made the wise decision to get sealed in the temple. This is the culmination of your spiritual progression to this point in your life and you should be commended for reaching this goal. See D&C 132:19 – nothing about that sounds bad to me. The secret to the endurance of Mormon marriages is the realization that you are making a covenant with your Heavenly Father and he will bless you as long as you are faithful to those promises. Many baby blessings include a blessing to receive the saving ordinances in the temple. You are about to realize those blessings.

There has been much ado about your age. Ignore this commotion. Your age is not the relevant factor. Your worthiness and your love for Derek are. So long as you remain true to your temple covenants, you will have a happy and fulfilling marriage. I was 19 when I got married to your Aunt Laura (20 when we were sealed). I was keenly aware of the talk about my age. It has proven to be a non-factor. I made a commitment that I renew regularly to my Heavenly Father to be faithful and I beg for his loving hand and mercy to keep my family strong. I have now been married for 17 years. I love my life with my wife.

Those who express concern for you do so because of their life experience. They love you and want you to be happy. Don’t begrudge them their opinion. It comes from witnessing many broken hearts and families. But remember to keep your perspective on eternity and not the world. If your goal in life is to qualify yourself for exaltation in the kingdom of your Father, then you are about to take a huge step in that direction. All that remains is to endure to the end. Your Heavenly Father will bless you. I am enthusiastic about your future because I know the blessings that I have received as a consequence of my temple sealing.

The occasion of your wedding has caused me to reflect on my own family. As you know I have 3 daughters. If I could choose a future for them, it would be to follow your example; to live worthy of a righteous and good man who will take them to be sealed for time and eternity in the temple.

My advice is simple. Cleave unto your husband and none else (Mark 10:7-9). You are becoming one flesh with him. Your parents love you and want to remain close to you. It will be tempting to go to them with your problems as you have your whole life. But to be blunt, their job is done (sorry Nancy, don’t hate me for that). You should call them. You should involve them. But you should take your problems and passions to your husband. He is committing all that he has, all that he is and all that he can ever become to you. Honor that commitment by going to him in all things.

Your Aunt Laura and I love you very much. We are proud of you. We support you completely. I regret that I could not be there but I have sent the better part of me instead.

Doug